There’s a lot going on right now for all of us. And by that, I’m definitely talking about the anger, sadness, grief and chronic state of crisis fatigue many are experiencing. Tired from trying our best to cope with our own big feelings, many parents are finding it difficult to navigate our kids feelings, too. However, all of us can certainly understand why our kids are cranky. I mean, who isn’t feeling irritable? When I asked our team pediatric occupational therapist, Anne Berkery, OTR/L, about recommendations for helping kids cope, she didn’t disappoint. Anne enthusiastically offered many suggestions of movement-based activities that can help kids with their crankies.
An occupational therapist (OT) is always thinking about the movement needs of their clients. A lack of movement often means big problems and Anne Berkery, OTR/L conceptualizes this as a contributor to irritability. With school remaining online for many and usual activities inaccessible, so many kids are more sedentary than usual right now.
4 Easy Movement Activities to Help Your Cranky Kid
Obstacle Courses. Anne says that we should get our kids running. Obstacle courses are a semi-sneaky way of achieving this goal. The especially great thing about obstacle courses is that you can make them in just about any space and using things around your house. If the kids start getting bored with it, just switch it up. Move things around. Level Up: For a personalized touch, help your kiddo trace their feet and cut out the shapes on colored paper. Use these cutouts to mark their intended steps or to represent certain actions during the obstacle course.
Musical Chairs. Tried and true, a game of musical chairs will get them moving and laughing. This works especially well when at least a few family members can join in. All you need is one less chair than players, some fun music and someone who will hit pause from time to time. Level Up: Have your child choose the soundtrack to make it especially fun for them and have them dance and not just walk around the chairs.
Beach Balls. Bop around a beach ball or two or a couple of balloons for another movement activity that’s hard to resist. Level Up: Create a challenge of how many times they can bop the ball before it hits the ground. See if you can add in a funny gesture or movement between hitting the ball.
Jump Rope. A great test of coordination, the rhythmic nature of jumping rope can actually be soothing as well. Also great about jumping rope? It can be done independently when others aren’t available to help turn the rope. Level Up: Add a song to your jumping or for a really big challenge try it out with a second rope double dutch style. For especially young kids, the rope can be placed on the floor to allow them to jump over.
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, we’re here for you. Call 520-333-3320 or request an appointment.
Hi. How are you? Like… really? Are you struggling as much as most parents right now? Look. I know you’re worried about your kid(s). I’ll give you some ideas for them, too. I’m pretty concerned about you right now though. The expectations on you are confusing and more than they should be. You know, your kids can’t be fully well if you aren’t. You need support, Mamas and Papas. And kindness and joy and quiet and presence.
I don’t have anything very profound to say. Just know that we’re thinking about you and we’re here for you. And while I have your attention, maybe a meditation or two for you and the kids would be nice…
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, we’re here for you. Call 520-333-3320 or request an appointment.
When I asked my children what makes a good dad, the first word that came to their minds was “playful.” At first, I wasn’t sure if I found their word choice delightful or annoying. I mean I’m a huge believer in the importance of play. It can be so healing and supportive of development. Yet, the old stereotype of dads as fun and moms as nurturing is getting tired in my opinion. Dads have been typecast even by the kids. But in fact, dads don’t just wanna have fun.
I switched tactics in case my kids hadn’t really understood. Re-worded my question. I asked them what things they think dads should be responsible for doing. Granted, my survey sample was pretty small, but my kids’ response is what cemented for me that yes, I was going to choose annoyance over delight. Their list included things like building legos and playing tag. What?! That’s a “responsibility?!”
yes… yes, it is.
I let that marinate and stew for a bit and decided it was best for my own wellbeing that I not ask them for the same list for moms right now. Even in my own household where gender roles aren’t always traditional, my very own children have bought into the stereotype. What I know to be real though, is that we have lots of dads showing up in our office to support their kids in really vulnerable ways. Sometimes it does, but many times it doesn’t include playing tag and building legos. Dads are much more than just playmates. So let’s set the record straight.
Here’s what dads are actually doing and saying:
In a 2015 survey, 57% of fathers (and 58% of mothers) said that parenting is extremely important to their identity. Also commensurate with moms, 54% said that parenting is rewarding all of the time (versus 52% of mothers). Lastly, 46% of fathers (and 41% of mothers) stated that parenting is enjoyable all the time. (Pew Research Center)
Let’s start out by acknowledging that the solution is mired by a lot of complicating systemic issues. Here are some big disclaimers: There are some deeply ingrained gender disparities impacting this dynamic. I fully recognize this and continue to try to wrap my brain around the nuances factoring into this stereotype. At Intuition Wellness Center, we also respect that each family has to decide what their perfect balance is and its not up to us to decide. There are things that dads can do directly and also that the system itself must do to allow for change.
Dads must be willing to do it all. If they really want to change the stereotype that is. I am not suggesting that dads don’t play, by the way. Please do! I get that this is the obvious answer, but it’s not as easy to enact as the rest of us might think. Trust me. I’ve talked to a lot of dads and they are struggling with balance and feelings of inadequacy just as moms are. Don’t give up, Dads.
Moms must be willing to not do it all. I’m tiptoeing here, but societal mom-shaming is a real thing that is contributing to this whole dynamic. Some moms get in an awfully sticky place of feeling that to be worthy as a mom they must take it all on. Not true, Mamas. We subscribe to a village mentality of parenting around here. This means that the community has to step up so that moms have the support they need in order to not do it all.
The system, including education and healthcare, has to step it up. What do I mean by this? Well, this means having concentrated trainings for healthcare workers and educators on how to engage the whole family unit. Even at Intuition Wellness Center we have to remind ourselves, regularly, not just to engage the parent who is easiest to access or quickest to respond. This feeds into an exclusionary dynamic. Despite wanting to be involved, one parent (and yes, this is often the dads) is left out. And guess what happens after repeatedly being left out? Well… you start to believe that you deserve it. And this creates learned helplessness. While this responsibility should be firmly on the shoulders of the educator or provider, I encourage parents to remind them of their preferences.
Expose children to examples that break the mold. Yup, the way to change stereotypes is to find exceptions. Choose books and movies that support dads and caregivers of all kinds and doing many different things. Though the heading is focused on children’s exposure, really we could all benefit from this.
What shows or books do you recommend for breaking dad stereotypes?
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
Oh, mama. I see you…tangled up in a mess of emotions and putting on a brave face for the kids. Closing yourself in the bathroom in an effort to shelter your children from the eruptionof emotion that is bubbling and threatening just under the surface. Trying hard to smile and show interest in yet-another-kid-inspired game of pretend even though what you actually feel is nothing. Numbness. Yelling at the kids for being too loud only to realize too late the irony of your actions. Trying desperately to retreat secretly to someplace— anyplace— that they may not find you for three glorious minutes. Breathe, mama.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath in, no matter where you are. Let it out. The whole breath.
Breathe in again, mama. Deeply and slowly. And with that breath, feel your stomach expand. Now hold and count. 1-2-3-4. Deep sigh all the way out… push that breath away and let it take just a small part of the stress you’re feeling with it.
Imagine that stress swirling away from your body– floating away as if caught on a draft. Imagine in your mind’s eye that that stress, like a plume of smoke or a drifting cloud, escapes with your breath through your open mouth. Take another deep breath and hold. 1-2-3-4. And then watch that deep breath drift from your mouth and take with it stress and frustration. Unrest, distress and pain.
Breathe in compassion, relaxation, contentment… and breathe out stress.
You’ve got this, mama. You are worthy and good. You can do this…
May is mental health awareness month and nestled in the middle is Mother’s Day. There is no shame in feeling your feelings. Breathe. Work on your village. Look for helpers. Acknowledge that being a mother is one of the toughest jobs on the planet.
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
Social media is a dangerous place to hang out if you’re trying to avoid anxiety-provoking content at the moment. In particular, there’s been such contradictory advice about parenting during the pandemic. And it’s coming from every angle. Meanwhile, parents have found themselves very suddenly coping with their own waves of overwhelming emotions while also simultaneously trying to do what’s best for their children and find some way to make a living. It’s too much and, as Chloe Cooney eloquently put it, Parents Are Not Ok. My addition to her statement is a “yet,” as in “Parents are not ok yet.” In case you needed to hear it, you can do this, Parents!
Amid the extremes, sometimes there are also real gems– validating and connecting pieces– floating about in social media feeds. One recent message perfectly states a position I fully support, particularly for parents. We need community care and not just self care, reaching in and not just reaching out.
In the spirit of reaching in, here’s a little message for our clients and their families. It really isn’t the same at Intuition Wellness Center without you. We miss the chatter and the energy in our Great Room, but our team is still here for you.
Here’s a message from Dr. Kate Sage also who really wants to know “How are you?”:
Despite the pandemic, we are continuing to support children, young adults and parents through telehealth and, in some cases, through home visits. We’ve also made a commitment not to turn anyone away due to financial concerns. At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, request an appointment on our website or call us for more information: 520-333-3320.
I didn’t understand– most of us didn’t– exactly how it would feel to prepare for a pandemic to sweep through. On Friday afternoon our team naturopathic physician, Dr. Sage, attended a special seminar hosted by the Arizona Department of Health Services about COVID-19 (aka. Novel Coronavirus). On Monday, Dr. Sage and I began putting together a statement for our team and our clients as well as a protocol for increasing cleaning measures in our office. By Tuesday, we became aware that a confirmed case of the virus is now in our county. And for the last couple of days we’ve been working out the details of a plan in case our team members or clients are quarantined. It’s been a whirlwind, but now we’re just waiting and thinking a lot about what’s to come. The spread of COVID-19 is a reminder and a lesson on how interconnected we all are at both global and local levels… for better or worse.
As a pediatric practice, most of our clients are children and young adults who seem to be the least impacted by the virus. This is a relief certainly. Yet, we believe in a community-based model of healing and wellbeing, which means that each of us– old, young, healthy and sick– has a responsibility to others. It’s up to all of us to make efforts to prevent the spread of COVID-19 and to respond with compassion to those who are suffering because of it.
Most of the kiddos we see are spending their days at school in what is often akin to a petri dish no matter how well school personnel clean. Many kids have or will get COVID-19 and they will very likely be fine. However, in order to be a part of protecting others in their community, they do need to understand that there is a virus coming through. They need to understand also that each of us could unwittingly spread it to others.
Looking for support in talking to your kids about COVID-19?
I encourage you to talk to your children about COVID-19 in a measured, compassionate and rational way. There’s some excellent content out there about how to do so that I’m linking below. My biggest tip is to monitor your own anxiety about it and be certain that your anxiety feels manageable in the moment(s) you have this conversation with your children. Filter their news intake and your own for that matter, as well. And don’t forget to talk to them about what they can do to help protect their community.
We can help support you in talking to your child about COVID-19 and if your child already has a provider, don’t hesitate to let them know that you would like this support.
If you notice that your child seems to be experiencing particularly big worry about COVID-19, it’s not generally helpful to tell them simply not to worry. Katie Hurley, a licensed clinical social worker who works with children, recently summed this up on her social media.
“During the past few days of therapy sessions, a number of kids have said something like this: Grownups are telling me not to worry because it only gets old people, but what about my grandparents? Will they be okay? …It’s up to us to help kids work through their anxious thoughts. Kids never ever stop worrying simply because adults say, ‘don’t worry.’ That’s not how worrying works.” — Katie Hurley, LCSW
What steps is Intuition Wellness Center taking to protect our community?
Limiting exposures. We are asking that if you have symptoms, please do not come in for your appointments. In fact, stay home altogether. Call or email us and let us know if you have a fever or cough. Our team members are working hard to stay healthy and will be staying home if they have symptoms. Medical facilities are reserving tests for only those with severe symptoms, so, unfortunately, there will be no way for many of us to truly confirm if it’s COVID-19 rather than just a cold. Telehealth may be an option for your OT or therapy sessions if it’s clinically appropriate and it will definitely be an option for naturopathic medical sessions.
Keeping a clean space. We’ve given each team member additional cleaning options and we’ve asked them to up their cleaning protocol. We’re also pulling out some of the non-essential play items and fabric items in our center so that we can concentrate our cleaning efforts. Lastly, we’ve also asked our nighttime cleaning crew to increase their efforts.
Handwashing. You’ve heard it a million times now, but this may be one of the most important tips. Wash your hands… wash your hands… wash your hands. Simple soap and water is very effective at killing COVID-19. We’ve added a hand washing station and reminders and tips to make it more enjoyable for children. Please wash your hands when you arrive in our center to protect yourself and others.
The very short video here is of Dr. Sage and me with a quick acknowledgment of the symptoms to watch for and a general overview of how we’re approaching all of this. The resources that I mention at the end of this video are conveniently listed and/or linked at the end of this post.
Here’s the great news. People really do pull together when there’s a crisis or devastating event. Research suggests that most of us become incredibly altruistic in these situations. We are even more likely to do things like wash our hands when we know it is for the good of someone else. Your children can understand this and are capable of great compassion. The recent spread of COVID-19 is also an opportunity to think through, perhaps with your children, the things that you can do to reach out to those who are directly impacted. Know an elderly neighbor without local family? Check in on them regularly to prevent isolation. Even if they’re quarantined, a phone call can go a long way. What about a family who may be especially financially impacted if schools close down and mom can’t go to work? Offer them childcare or groceries. As part of that practice of compassion and kindness, remember this in a time when many people are fearful:
“If you believe that somebody is overreacting, just try to remember that another word for ‘overreaction’ is ‘fear.’ Try to be compassionate, not contemptuous. We don’t all share the same fears, but we all know what fear feels like, and it’s a terrible sensation. I wouldn’t wish fear on anybody, and I know that a lot of people are genuinely afraid right now.” –Elizabeth Gilbert
Another silver lining in all of this is that, for some of us, this may be an opportunity to slow down life with our children and reconnect with them. Yes, that can also create stress, too.
What am I going to do with my children during this?
Here are some screen-free ideas for things to do with your kids if school shuts down or if they’re in a 14-day quarantine:
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
If your children (and you) sleep through the night, you are the envy of parents everywhere! So many things can get in the way of getting a consistently good night’s rest– overstimulation, anxiety, depression, difficulty with making transitions, etc. Maybe your sweetie pie repeatedly begs for one more drink of water, worries about the next school day, or can’t seem to turn off their motor at the end of the day. As a parent it can be so hard to keep your wits about you when you’re tired, they’re tired, and no one is getting their much needed rest. If you’re ready to be proactive in support of healthy sleep patterns for your wakeful child, keep reading.
How Much Sleep Should Kiddo Get?
The National Sleep Foundation recommends that you and your littles strive to get the following amount of hours of sleep per night:
Newborns (0-3 months): 14-17 hours
Infants (4-11 months): 12-15 hours
Toddlers (1-2 years): 11-14 hours
Preschoolers (3-5 years): 10-13 hours
School Age (6-13 years): 9-11 hours
Teenagers (14-17 years): 8-10 hours
Adults (18-64 years): 7-9 hours
Older Adults (65+ years): 7-8 hours
Now, there is a reason that a range of hours is listed for each age group and that is that people are all different. If you have questions about whether or not your unique child is getting enough sleep, consult with your child’s physician.
3 Tips for Getting Your Child to Sleep
Be Consistent. You’ve most likely heard this tip before. Getting your child or yourself into a rhythm and routine each day is crucial for getting restful sleep. They should have a set bedtime and wake time regardless of whether it’s a weekday, weekend, or holiday. Additionally, get a routine in place for bedtime that includes relaxing activities such as bath time and reading, or meditation and journaling. These consistent rhythms and routines will keep your kiddo’s sleep cycles (circadian rhythm) in check and their natural melatonin production operating optimally. For more information on balancing natural melatonin levels, check out the tips below from Dr. Sage, Naturopathic Family Physician at Intuition Wellness.
Create a Sanctuary. Your child’s sleeping area should be simple and their bed should be a sleep-only zone. This means that they shouldn’t be doing their homework or even reading in their bed. Creating the right mental association for them will essentially train their brain to relax once they lay down in their bed. It’s ok for your child to have some sort of transitional object, such as a stuffed animal, in bed with them. Yet, keep the space uncluttered overall to maintain your sleep-only zone. In addition, create a home culture that doesn’t allow electronics in bed. The blue light emitted from screens can be especially problematic for sleep-wake cycles. Plus, keeping screen distractions away from bed will also create healthy bedtime boundaries. It’s also best if your child can be awakened by natural light. However, most school days start so early that this often isn’t an option. If getting up before sunrise is truly necessary, consider purchasing a light box, which will also support natural melatonin production.
Exercise and Movement. Children who stay active during the day often sleep more restfully in the evening. If your child has a tendency to be a couch potato, there are many strategies you can try to get them moving. Finding activities that they enjoy is especially important. They should refrain from heavy exercise close to bedtime. Activities such as slow yoga or stretching are ok in the evenings and you can even combine them with meditation or other relaxation techniques.
Looking for more? Check out a more detailed version of our sleep tips ready for print or to be bookmarked.
Printable Tips for Getting Your Child to Sleep!
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
My kids had a day off of school last month in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It was a natural opportunity for us to talk about who Dr. King was and why his tireless activism was so important. One thing led to another and we were deep in conversation about motivations for racism. I doubted myself. I stumbled on my words. This isn’t the first time that I’ve talked to my children about race, but the older they get the more complex their questions become. I know that it’s part of my white privilege that I don’t think of my race all the time. I also know that talking about race just once a year or just a few times during Black History Month is not enough. We have to talk to our children about race and yes, even us white people.
Why you should talk to your children about race.
Colorblind approaches don’t work.
Well-meaning, but misinformed, many white parents hesitate to teach their children about racial constructs. There seems to be a wish for a utopian “we’re-all-the-same” approach and by drawing attention to difference we worry that we will disrupt this. Many white parents worry that even saying something positive about race will highlight and create divisions. This assumes that children weren’t previously aware of difference, but this just isn’t what the research suggests. In fact, we’ve known for some time that children become aware of race around age 3 and some research suggests this happens even as early as infancy.
According to a 2007 study, nonwhite parents are about three times more likely to discuss race than white parents; 75 percent of white parents never or almost never talk to their children about race. In a study that asked white parents to address race with their children, some of the participants dropped out or were only willing to make positive general statements about equality, but not about race specifically. This isn’t enough. Research suggests that without specifically addressing race, children do not generalize these statements to race and, in fact, demonstrate racial bias from a very young age.
Bias is in all of us.
Bias exists for all of us. If we’re committed to eliminating it, we also must be open to examining our biases on a regular basis. We used to believe that bias was all socially constructed, but newer theories suggest that preferences for sameness may be more complicated and appear at a very young age. Without talking to our children about bias and specifically with regard to race, we limit their awareness and make them more susceptible to absorb bias. Normalizing this experience while encouraging inclusivity gives our children the information they need to develop self awareness and also recognize micro aggressions.
Children are notorious for fearlessly demonstrating their curiosity. I have a friend who once told me that, while waiting in a grocery store checkout lane, her young white child stared and stared at a black cashier with very dark skin. My friend silently cringed inside thinking about what bold statement her child was about to make. Yet something important happened. She didn’t stop her, rush her, or shush her. Instead, she allowed her daughter to ask the question on her mind and taught her the lifelong lesson that discussion about differences is valued and welcome. Had my friend suggested it wasn’t a topic to be talked about, she would have reinforced bias and suggested that there was something wrong with discussion about race or even with talking to the black cashier.
Mistakes are bound to happen in these conversations. Many white parents want to wait to talk to their children until the just-right moment or until they have the perfect wording. But it never happens. Waiting for the “right” way to talk about race allows for avoidance. Many of us worry that we’ll offend someone. What if my child says something hurtful? What if I say something hurtful? What if I’m perceived as a bad person? As a racist? This is part of the baggage that we carry from our own histories of being shamed, shushed, and shut down in our curiosity. Our children don’t have that same baggage yet. But unless we choose to engage in open dialogue, our kids will follow in our footsteps.
By the way, it turned out that my friend’s child really just wanted to ask how the cashier kept his teeth so white. 🙂
Creating allies.
White people often don’t realize that NOT talking about race is part of their privilege. Many people of color and other non-white groups think about their race a lot more often than white people. They don’t have a choice because it comes up often in their environment due to a multitude of microagressions and systemic issues that pervade even decades after the civil rights movement.
Teaching our children how to be allies, to question and evaluate their own and others’ biases, and to call out racism is teaching them to be change makers. They can’t do this without being informed and we, as parents, can be critical supporters in modeling what that looks like. It starts by creating a culture of open dialogue and learning.
Not sure where to start?
Become informed by going to events and reading. Black History Month is a good time to start, but certainly don’t let it end there. Many public libraries offer programming in celebration of Black History Month and your librarian can make recommendations about books appropriate to your child’s age. Try some of the resources below, too.
For those local to Tucson, Arizona, Pima County public libraries are hosting a number of events in February:
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
When I was a kid, flat soda and Vick’s seemed to be my family’s go-to treatments for nearly all forms of illness. Now that I’m a grown up and making a lot of the medical decisions for my family I’ve learned to appreciate a few other tricks. Yet, this flu season has been a force to be reckoned with and, in my opinion, it’s demanded a diverse toolkit of remedies. Since meeting Dr. Kate Sage, our team’s Naturopathic Family Physician, I’ve learned a few recipes that seem likely to become new favorites for flu and other illness. These are definitely worth sharing! Here’s 6 great natural remedies when you’re sick of your family being sick.
6 Family-Friendly Natural Remedies
Elderberry Syrup
Research suggests that elderberries can shorten the duration of cold and flu symptoms. They are high in vitamin C, fiber, and antioxidants. Elderberries can be found (or made) in many preparations such as gummies, lozenges, capsules, and liquids. One of Dr. Sage’s favorite forms is elderberry syrup, which can also be purchased in many big-box stores, specialty health stores or directly from Intuition Wellness Center. You can also make your own!Onion Earmuffs
Onions can be surprisingly helpful! Onions have antibacterial oils that can fight infection. Using Dr. Sage’s steps for onion earmuffs can help soothe ear pain and also promote drainage when you or your child are battling an ear infection. Just follow these easy steps!
Cut an onion in half and bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes until you can smell the onion cooking.
Cover the hot onion with a thin cloth and place the cut side next to the affected ear(s), not against.
Move the onion closer to the ear as the onion cools and, once on the ear, leave for at least 10 minutes.
Cold-Busting Soup
Feel a cold coming on? There’s a soup for that! Dr. Sage’s cold-busting soup is high in vitamin C and beta carotene, is warming, and is generally nutritive to help anyone get over colds or flu. Plus, it’s tasty! Dr. Sage warns “if you’re a breastfeeding mama, be sure to take it easy on the garlic and onions as the sulfur components can pass through breastmilk and can occasionally cause tummy troubles for itsy-bitsies.”
Lemon Cough Syrup
This cough syrup has great components many of us may already have at home. Honey helps soothe the throat, lemon cuts through congestion and the onion fights infection, soothes the throat, and makes the coughs do a disappearing act.
Apple & Clove Tea
Cloves are sometimes referred to as a natural antibiotic. With anti-bacterial and anti-inflammatory properties, cloves may be effective as a supportive treatment for many forms of illness. Pair whole cloves with apple juice and you’ve got a yummy natural remedy that even your picky eater will enjoy! Simply simmer 10 whole cloves and 4 cups of fresh organic apple juice in a pot for 15 minutes. Serve your child half a cup 3 times daily.
Magic Warming Socks
Magic warming socks work shockingly well for congestion. Though called “warming,” you actually cool the feet to experience a warming effect. Cooling the feet will cause the vessels to constrict and all the good nutrients there will be shunted away toward your vital organs to help stimulate healing. As the feet heat back up, the blood vessels dilate again causing a pumping system that carries infection-fighting white blood cells for an active immune system and improved circulation. Also good for: ear infections, sinusitis, headaches, migraines, sore throats, and congestion or other inflammation around the head and neck.
Until February 29, 2020 Intuition Wellness Center is offering a 33% discount on all new patient naturopathic medicine appointments with Dr. Kate Sage! Schedule your child’s appointment before this limited-time offer comes to an end!
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults, and their families. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
It’s a new year and a new decade. For many people, that means it’s resolution time. It’s finding-yourself time. It’s creating-new-habits-and-setting-goals time. Maybe you’re one of the few who make your dreams come true at the start of each new year, but most of us live a different reality. Depending on the source, surveys suggest that up to 80 percent of new year’s resolutions may fail.But that doesn’t mean that using the new year as a time to clean the slate and set intentions is completely useless. It can be a perfectly natural time for your family to reset. Here’s a few tips to help your family create meaningful and achievable goals for the new year.
Creating Meaningful (and Achievable) Family Goals
Find Purpose. Allowing your kids to set their own goals and supporting them to find something that really speaks to them will set them up for success. When your child or family is working toward something that matters to them, their investment will undoubtedly increase. Try creating vision boards and look to see what themes emerge for each family member. Read more about supporting your child to find their purpose.
Think Habits. Reaching a new goal is generally more successful if you instead think of it as a new habit or series of habits. When creating a family goal create a habit around it and pair it with habits that your family already engages in. If your goal is to get into nature more often as a family, for example, you could look to your usual dinner routine as a place to pair a new habit of an after dinner walk. Read more about creating habits.
Plan for Obstacles. Brainstorm with your family about the things that could get in the way of reaching the goal. Ask them, “If you feel like giving up, what will you do instead?” Teaching your child to stick to it is part of teaching resilience and planning for the hiccups will support you and your family in overcoming challenges.
Find tips for creating vision boards with your family (and other good stuff to support your wellness) in Intuition Wellness Center’s wellness handouts.
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults and families. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
It’s the winter holiday season. Perhaps you prefer to keep this time of year simple. Or maybe you have a go-big-or-go-home mentality. If you’re like many American families though, you’re probably on the look out for at least a few gifts for the young children on your list. We here at Intuition Wellness Center believe that the best gifts you can give a child are free. Yet, if you feel consumerism tugging at you, we certainly aren’t judging. Our pediatric occupational therapist, Anne Berkery, OTR/L has done the hard work for you and scoured the current toy offerings. Read on for the best toys for babies, toddlers and preschoolers as determined by a pediatric occupational therapist.
Best Toys for Babies
If you’re looking for toys that will support the littlest of littles in reaching their milestones, look no further. Intuition Wellness Center’s pediatric occupational therapist, has wrangled and organized a few toys that will help your baby’s visual skills, hand-eye coordination, and healthy sensory processing.
Visual Skills
Sassy Floor Mirror Large True-Reflection. The high contrast images are easy on baby’s developing visual sense and the true-reflection mirror allows for baby to focus on a human face.
Hand-Eye Coordination
Wimmer-Ferguson Learning Cube. High contrast black and white supports baby’s visual skills while ribbons, crinkle paper, flaps, rattles and other fun gizmos encourage baby to reach and grasp.
Toy Chest Nyc Penguin Ring Stacker. This solid wood rainbow stacker with it’s cutie pie penguin topper encourages babies 6 months and older to reach, grasp and stack while older babies and toddlers may enjoy a more creative and interactive take on this classic toy.
Sassy Whimsical Wheels. The movement of this toy, high contrast, and mirror support baby’s visual skills while encouraging baby to reach and tug at wheels filled with multi-colored beads for improved hand-eye coordination.
Development of Touch
Sassy Sensory Activity Panels. Clever fabric panels with high contrast images and touchy-feely panels that can be assembled into a fabric book or taken apart. It’s a delight for little one’s developing senses.
Dophyranix Super Durable Sensory Balls. Soft and textured balls help develop baby’s tactile senses while promoting grip. Remains fun for baby as they age into a more mobile kicking and throwing toddler.
If you’re looking for toys for the young movers and shakers in your life, Intuition Wellness Center’s pediatric occupational therapist, has a few recommendations that will support hand-eye coordination and gross motor skills.
Hand-Eye Coordination
Djeco Nesting and Stacking Blocks. This sweet and whimsical set includes 6 boxes to stack and 6 little animals to fit inside. The options allow for little ones to put the set together in a variety of combinations, all while practicing their hand-eye coordination.
Gleeporte Stacking Peg Board Set Toy. A Montessori-style toy that will encourage kiddo to stack and sort and is especially good for visual and fine motor skills.
Fat Brain Toys Roll Again Sorter. Toddlers love sorting toys. This toy comes with 4 different balls that, with the child’s help, propel down a track to their color-matched basin.
Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Piggy Bank. Comes with 10 “coins” that allow kiddo to make deposits into the bank that promote finger dexterity as well as visual skills.
Gross Motor Skills
Fisher-Price Bright Beginnings Activity Walker. This is a versatile toy that has been around for awhile. While it allows for kiddos to flip open doors, turn gears, and slide beads for fine motor support, it will also transition to supporting gross motor skills when baby is ready to get-up-and-go.
Hape Wonder Walker Push and Pull. Touted as a busy-box on wheels, this walker provides a sturdy foundation for newly mobile little ones to pull up on or push around. Movable knobs, gears and colorful balls allow for fine motor work as well.
Best Toys for Preschoolers
If you’re looking for fun and useful toys that will support your preschooler’s development, Intuition Wellness Center’s pediatric occupational therapist, has already done the research and has compiled a list of toys that will support your preschooler’s visual skills, hand-eye coordination, gross motor skills and balance.
Visual Skills
I Spy Everything Book.Though this book is marketed as helping children learn their letter sounds, we like it because it requires the child to visually sort through images.
Hand-Eye Coordination
Unicorn Handwriting Workbook. This book is especially helpful for kids, 3-5 years old. It offers pages of letters to trace as well as fun images of unicorns to color.
Scissors Skills Workbook. A budget-friendly choice that includes 64 pages with increasingly complex cutting tasks. This workbook is particularly geared toward children who haven’t quite got the hang of using scissors yet and is great for supporting those developing fine motor and visual skills.
Kidcraft Wooden Backyard Sandbox. Sandboxes are great for so much more than hand-eye coordination. Sifting through the sand and burying and building are great activities for sensory processing, fine motor work and imagination!
Gross Motor Skills
Strider Balance Bike. Bikes with training wheels teach children how to ride while unbalanced whereas a balance bike, which has just two wheels and no pedals, keeps the child in control and allows them to lean and maneuver more easily.
Hanging Pod Hammock Seat. For children who seek out movement, this swing can be a great cozy place to calm their senses.
Saucer Tree Swing Seat. Another favorite swing that you’ll find in our pediatric occupational therapy room. This disc-shaped swing helps with balance, calms, and supports children who seek out movement.
JumJoe Kids Trampoline. This 36-inch trampoline will help with coordination, balance, muscle strength and meet the movement and pressure needs of your kiddo.
Would you like a pediatric occupational therapist to support you around your child’s special needs? Request an appointment or call us for more information at 520-333-3320.
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults and families. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
The recommended toys above contain affiliate links to products. If you click through and purchase, Intuition Wellness Center will receive a small commission on the sale. Rest assured, we only recommend products or services that our team members personally use or believe will be helpful to our readers or clients.
I can accept that parenting my kids can be a thankless job; however, watching them respond (or not respond) to others’ kindnesses can really put me on edge. I practically hold my breath when their gratitude is slow to show up. Those two little words, “thank you,” sure can be a relief to hear. While gratitude certainly leaves the person on the receiving end feeling good, there are also amazing benefits to the physical, social and psychological health of the gratitude giver. So, if you came here to read about helping others feel appreciated because it’s polite and kind, then let me stop you right there. This blog is really about revealing something supposedly altruistic as also self-serving– the other reasons to teach your child gratitude.
What is gratitude?
Robert Emmons suggests that gratitude is about both affirming goodness and turning our gaze outward. Specifically, he suggests that gratitude includes “recognizing that one has obtained a positive outcome… and that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves.” This might include gratitude for something nature-made, a chance occurence (“thanking my lucky stars”), a gift from God, or from the people around us.
As Emmons goes on to clarify, gratitude also “requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.” What I love about this explanation is that it’s in support of community care and not just self care. That means showing up for each other and truly embodying the it-takes-a-village mentality to raising children. I am a firm believer that caring for oneself is critical. Yet, I have also felt strongly that parents can feel a lot of shame and isolation when the prevailing message is about self care without also emphasizing community.
Gratitude is also complex. It is defined as a disposition or trait, as well as a mood with daily fluctuations or a temporary emotion such as feeling gratitude immediately after receiving a gift. Yet, it’s not just for humans. Gratitude is felt by several species of animals. For example, some animals may help another at a cost to themselves because they understand, instinctually, that they may be on the receiving end of a favor at a later date.
Why is gratitude important?
Here’s where this blog will really cater to those selfish needs! There are so many ways that being grateful and/or showing gratitude will serve the gratitude giver! Gratitude is associated with:
Better physical health. For example, various studies have linked gratitude to better sleep, less fatigue, and lower levels of inflammation.
Better psychological health. Studies have linked gratitude to less depression, less envy and better resilience after a traumatic event.
Better social health. Research also suggests that individuals who demonstrate higher levels of gratitude are more socially integrated and have better social support. Researchers have described gratitude as a sort of “social glue.”
Better life satisfaction. Research suggests that more grateful adolescents are more interested and satisfied with their school lives, more engaged in schoolwork and hobbies, and less materialistic.
4 Fun Activities that Teach Your Child Gratitude
Parenting is so much easier when you don’t have children. (Yup, let that sink in.) Yet, finding ways to teach your child gratitude can be really enjoyable. It is true that more dispositionally grateful parents have more grateful children. It’s safe to assume that these parents may be modeling gratitude. We also know that these parents are more likely to place their children in situations that might evoke feelings of gratitude, such as volunteering for people in need. In addition to modeling gratitude here are other fun ways to support gratitude.
Gratitude Jar: The gratitude jar is a great way to catch each other in shining moments and to revel in those positive moments. Quite simply, you and your family members track daily at least one positive action of each family member. You write it and collect it in a jar and then review it together as a family. It helps family members to refocus attention, particularly if you’ve been in a slump with these family members.
Gratitude Tales: Telling stories that elicit gratitude or demonstrate an example of gratitude can be a great conversation starter. For example, Aesop’s “Androcles and the Lion” shares the concept of “reciprocal altruism.” That is the idea that Androcles’ kindness to the injured lion is paid back when the lion later spares Androcles life. There are many other similar stories as well!
Gratitude Letter. The concept includes writing a letter to people you’ve never properly thanked and then delivering the letter. This particular concept was first studied by the founder of the positive psychology movement, Martin Seligman. The effects of the gratitude letter can last more than a month for the writer, particularly when the writer is mature, such as an adolescent or adult.
Gratitude Journaling. You can also incorporate a regular practice of documenting the moments that evoke gratitude. If you prefer specific prompts for each day of journaling, check out 30 days of gratitude for daily prompts to last a month.
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, professional trainings, and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
Emerging science is making us more aware of the need to feed our children a wide range of foods with emphasis on nutritional content.The challenge we face as parents however, is actually having them eat this variety of nutritious foods.Often we end up finding ourselves in the role of their personal short-order cook because, let’s face it, cajoling a picky eater into trying a new food can feel really stressful for all involved.
As you probably know, there are some problems with eating the same foods all of the time. The most obvious is that often there will be a nutritional component that is lacking, such as vitamins C, B12, or folate or minerals magnesium, calcium, or iron.Not getting enough of these nutrients could cause a variety of different health issues, including anemia, slowed growth, or behavioral problems. Vegetables are our best source of nutrients, both vitamins and minerals. Getting them into your picky eater’s tummy is critical.
If your child is suffering from a digestive issue, like tummy aches, constipation or reflux,it may be the foods that they love most causing the problem. Encouraging them to consume a wider variety of foods is often enough to resolve the problem.
Tips to Help Your Child Eat New Foods:
Eat the rainbow! Choose fruits and vegetables in a variety of colors – like purple carrots, blueberries, papaya, chard, raspberries. Not only are these nutritious, they’re visually appealing and fun to eat.
Get their buy in. Let your child help with grocery shopping as well as cooking and preparing the foods. They are much more likely to try something that they had a hand in choosing and preparing. In fact, allowing them some experimentation and autonomy in food prep, will up their investment in eating that food.
Be a model. Show your kids how delicious you think vegetables are too! Be sure to let them see you also eating well. If you don’t love something nutritious you’ve put on your plate, it’s ok to let them know that you eat it to be kind to your body and not just for the taste.
Keep trying. A child should try a food at least 15 times before they decide if they like it. What we like and don’t like changes over time, so it’s good to keep at it in case their preferences evolve as they get older.
Practice mindful eating. Allow them to choose the amount that they try, then have them be as specific as possible in describing the aroma, taste and texture. This will get them out of the rut of judging food as just “good” or “bad.”
Don’t get emotionally invested yourself. Your child can tell when you are getting anxious or upset. The last thing that you want is for mealtimes to become laden with frustration for the family. Visualize them enjoying the food, be patient and definitely respect their appetite.
Include a favorite. Always include at least one thing on the plate that you know they will enjoy. This definitely takes some pressure off.
Hidden Cause of Picky Eating
Picky eating can also be the result of a child having a sensory sensitivity. Some children have oral sensitivities that make it difficult for them to have certain textures in their mouth, such as eating particular foods or brushing their teeth. If a child has a hypersensitivity to smells, they may not eat foods that have a pungent odor or one they just don’t prefer. Occupational therapists can help kids and their families work through sensory issues by slowly desensitizing the child, building positive thoughts around eating food and through playing games.The old saying “Don’t play with your
food,” is not accepted by those treating children for these sorts of sensitivities!
In the short run, you may consider introducing a high quality multivitamin to make sure that all of their vitamin and mineral needs are covered. If you’re particularly worried that your child’s eating is compromising their wellbeing, make an appointment with your doctor.
At Intuition Wellness Center, we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults and families. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
Written by: Dr. Kate Sage, Naturopathic Family Physician with contributions from Anne Swiderek, Pediatric Occupational Therapist.
Many would argue that technology has made instant connection to others increasingly easy. Yet, in the last two decades, the amount of people reporting that they don’t have a trusted confidant has increased threefold. How can this be? It seems that there may be an illusion of connection when the number of online “friends” is in the hundreds or even thousands. What we really need is depth of connection.
With loneliness and isolation on the rise we are all at greater risk for anxiety, depression, antisocial behavior, suicide and even physical disease and earlier death. It’s not enough to simply focus on self care. How do you create depth in relationships when social connectedness has gotten mixed up by social media’s definition of friends? Here are just a few of the ingredients to creating connection.
Building the Village
Be patient. Being able to connect deeply with someone requires work and time. If you have identified someone with whom you want to become friends, you may need to start small with little gestures such as eye contact, smiles or a compliment. Deep connection and even the start of a friendship are not instantaneous.
Be interested. If you have felt isolated or depressed, demonstrating interest in someone else may be especially hard to do. Depression impacts the very language used. People who are experiencing depression are more likely to focus on themselves in conversation. They often use “me,” “I,” and “myself” more regularly than those who are not depressed. To get to know someone, be sure to put adequate focus on learning about the other person.
Be vulnerable. If you find it hard to put yourself out there, you’re not alone. The images that you view on social media have often been packaged to meet a certain goal. In general, people tend to want to be viewed in their best moments. Remember this. If you’re comparing your darkest parts to what you see of others. Stop. Look for people who are willing to show their truth–who are willing to laugh (or cry) at their parenting mishaps–and then follow suit. The best way to get at another person’s real self is to be willing to show yours.
Be the village. Don’t just wait idly for people to show up in your village. Be that village to others. Offer help without being asked. Surprise others with your thoughtfulness. Offer words of affirmation– the very kind you wish to hear. All parents experience stress.
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in health and wellness services for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
Remember a few years ago when fidget spinners were a big deal? If your child is the right age, you may have even been one of the families on the receiving end of a communication from your child’s teacher or school administration announcing the ban on fidget spinners. This is one of many things banned from schools with the explanation that they are distracting– gum, headphones, certain types of jewelry, etc.
Sigh.
I understand how this comes to be. Think of the last time you were with a child and took a long car trip, or waited a long time for your food at a restaurant or stood in a long line. Did they wiggle? Fidget? Ask ‘how much longer?’ Of course. It’s developmentally appropriate. Now imagine that times about 25. Yes, 25 sweetie pies all wiggling and fidgeting 6-8 hours a day in their classrooms. Teachers deserve a crown, a throne, piles of treasure and donuts for their amazing abilities. It’s hard to manage that amount of movement and potential for distraction. I can understand why many schools create so many limits.
Yet, fidgeting, wiggling and doodling are typically an attempt to adapt to the circumstances. Said another way, your child is probably engaging in these things in an effort to be GOOD not bad. To get their movement and stimulation needs met, not to be troublesome for the classroom.
3 Reasons to Allow a Child to Fidget
Your child probably isn’t getting enough exercise. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that only about 5% of children are getting the recommended 60 minutes of daily physical activity. In addition, numerous pressures on schools have led to up to 40% of school districts within the U.S. reducing or cutting recess. Recess is associated with improved social and emotional outcomes as well as academic achievement (memory, attention, grades, attendance, and classroom behavior!). You can see why shortened recess is a problem. Less opportunity for movement can lead to excess energy.
Your child probably feels anxious. Particularly at the beginning of the academic year, as children are transitioning to the new structure of school, to a new morning routine, to a new teacher, and perhaps a new classroom or building, they will be nervous. There will be unknowns for them as they learn about what’s expected of them. They may be standing up in front of a new classroom of peers or being called upon for the first time this year. Some anxiety is to be expected. Anxiety can look like restlessness, agitation, and tension of the body. Exercise, particularly frequent and short bouts, is a great natural way to reduce anxiety. Yet, this isn’t available to a child during the vast majority of their school day. What is? Wiggling. Little movements like tapping toes, clicking a pen, and nibbling on pencil all exert nervous energy. Doodling on the corner of their page may also be cathartic.
Your child is probably bored. We’re all bored numerous times a day! This is actually NOT a bad thing, but it does mean that the brain is under-stimulated. The human brain will seek a cure to its boredom which can lead a person to their most curious and creative moments. Diagnoses of ADHD, anxiety, depression and sensory integration disorder (sensory processing) are all related to stimulation needs. The body tries to accommodate and get the brain to the just-right-place of stimulation and when it does, it can be present in the moment. This is why you may pick at your cuticles during a work meeting or drum your fingers while you wait for an appointment. Interestingly, research suggests that fidgeting can release neurotransmitters in the brain that mimic the effects of ADHD medications and support better concentration and sustained attention. A child who can fidget is actually more likely to be able to pay attention to the lesson in the classroom.
Tips for improving your child’s concentration and attention
Appeal to your teacher, school administrator or district if your child’s school has cut back on recess, takes recess away as punishment or uses it as a time for kids to catch up on overdue work.
Find out if the teacher will consider gum chewing (or chewelry), standing desks and cozy corners that allow for various sitting positions or lying down (read: wiggling), midday walking breaks, standing up instead of raising hands, incorporating drawing during assignments, rotating stations in the classroom, listening to music or doodling as a way to fight boredom and attention issues.
Teach your child mindfulness and meditation. Meditation also supports improved attention and concentration.
Be sure that your child is getting enough sleep. Stay strong during bedtime battles. A rested brain operates from a full cup and won’t be distracted by tiredness or need as much stimulation to stay alert.
Pay attention to your child’s diet and talk to a doctor about your child’s eating habits. A malnourished brain is also more susceptible to concentration difficulties. The gut is the second brain after all. Some people especially need predictable snack and meal times and need to eat more frequently. Many teachers are willing to offer snack times during school day (and definitely will with a doctor’s note).
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
There are things I spend a fair amount of time worrying about in my professional work. As a psychologist and director of a child and family wellness center, I worry about whether families feel supported; about overscheduled lives limiting opportunities for connection; about the stress hormones resulting from the hurry-hurry-do-everything attitude of our society causing harm to young bodies. I worry about what children are eating and if they’re moving regularly throughout their day; about technology disrupting sleep and relational skills; about whether school expectations for children are developmentally appropriate; and about a trending tendency to avoid doing things that are effortful. Yet, my biggest worry is whether life is feeling less and less meaningful and purposeful to children. It’s not distinct from the other worries, but actually an amalgam of the other worries smooshied together.
I have a great imagination. I can conjure up images of children playing video games, isolated in their bedrooms, shades drawn, from the time they wake up into the wee hours of the night every day of their summer vacation. Likewise, I can also imagine the rigidly scheduled teen turning down invitations from friends in order to get ahead of the upcoming school year with summer classes, private lessons, as well as part-time jobs, sports camps, and volunteer work to ensure that they’re well-rounded and marketable to colleges. Both of these children’s circumstances concern me. They each have goals– some centered around present-moment achievements on a screen and some oriented to futures that make the present seem like nothing more than a hoop to jump through. Yet, I worry… do either of these children feel passionate about something? Have they found something yet that feels meaningful and bigger than themselves?
Parenting a Child with Purpose
Defined Values. Purpose is wrapped up in what is meaningful and what is meaningful is centered around one’s values. As a family, you can start early by talking about what values you share and why. Be careful also to support your child’s developing identity and allowing for them to explore interests that differ from those of your family. Leaving room for exploration is part of their developing identity and values. You might also discuss with your child what they wish they could change about the world and what sort of adult they want to be. How do your and and your child’s values manifest through action? Talking about this is a good lead into your child developing goals.
Goal-Setting. Whether you’re a free range, helicopter, tiger parent or none of the above, your children need goals, though goals are not the same thing as purpose. Goals are about achieving something, purpose typically includes having goals but they are part of a bigger meaningful commitment and vision. How do you support your child in setting goals that really matter to them? Once your child know’s what’s important to them and why then you can help them take action. Developing smaller goals and reasonable timelines will support them in making concrete progress. At times, you might help them determine steps they can take that would be congruent with their values. Consider creating vision boards together and ask them if there’s anything you can do to support them in reaching their goals.
Transformative Experiences. Some of the ways that young people find their purpose is through an important event or circumstance, service to others or other transformative experience. Patrick Cook-Deegan tells us that some of the most common transformative experiences are traveling abroad, spending time in the natural world, joining a social change project, or establishing a contemplative practice. As a parent, you can support these experiences for your child. Not all organized trips are expensive and many organizations offer scholarships.
Sometimes it can feel like a confusing line between supporting your child and putting undue pressure on them. Remember that purpose is about your child finding meaning, not about you finding it for them.
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
Once upon a time, families of the neighborhood looked out for one another’s kids; sent a casserole down the street when their neighbor was down on their luck; called upon the mama with a new baby; and confidently sent their kids down the block for a cup of sugar from the neighbor. The days of Beverly Cleary characters are long gone. Lately parenting seems to be done more and more in isolation. Yet there is another shift occurring. Some quiet rumblings. A suggestion that the last couple of decades of parenting without the village may be lonely and counterproductive. There’s even been a few disgruntled mentionings of the term “self care” and a countermovement toward a new conceptualization— “community care.”
The Rise of Self Care
At what point did we start talking about and using the term “self care?” I don’t know, honestly, but in my own musings it likely evolved from the same culture where parents are often expected to be well-informed, self-sufficient, and able to juggle all of their responsibilities flawlessly. In addition, they should not be irritable, exhausted, lonely and/or prone to feelings of inadequacy.If they are experiencing any of these “symptoms” then the commonplace recommendation is more self care because they must not be doing it enough and, of course, they should be able to juggle that, too!
Parenting is hard, Dear Ones. I don’t know anyone who will argue with that! Exhaustion may even be a normal response to such an important job. Yet, I’m of the mindset that it could be a little easier. If only we still truly had the village mentality (and not the mentality where we just say “it takes a village” but then do little to actually embody this). And if we could also just be honest with each other about just how often we’re actually struggling to juggle all of it.
When someone is struggling and admitting to the exhaustion, I know I’ve certainly been guilty of asking things like, “when’s the last time you did something for yourself?” as if to suggest that feeling this way demands a remedy and that the solution is in their hands alone. Is encouraging self care wrong? No. In fact, doing right by oneselfis VERY important. But it’s also not totally adequate.
The Fall of Self Care
Some say the emphasis on self care remains neglectful of that aforementioned self. By focusing solely on self care as the remedy, we fail to put some responsibility on the villagers as essential to supporting the mama, the papa, the caregiver, etc. Some say that stressing self care is shaming. Blaming even. Because it can sometimes seem to suggest that if you’re exhausted, irritable, feeling inadequate and can’t live up to your standards…. it’s both your fault and you should fix it. That you should have been able to do something to negate all of those feelings. Something for yourself. Some self care.
Yet, where are the villagers?
Where is the community to also care for the caregiver?
By falling back on recommending self care to others does that give us an excuse not to step up and be the villager?
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
I have always been an observer. This tendency doesn’t stop with people-watching. As a child, I was fortunate enough to live near a nationally-ranked well-funded zoo. For a period of time, I was certain zoology was the field for me. I remember standing gape-mouthed at my local zoo as young gorillas pulled off impressive gymnastic-quality feats and played pranks on their family members. I remember the awe and joy I felt as a mama bear and her little one did bonafide underwater handstands, purple padded feet in the air, just for the fun of it. The animals, it seemed, took genuine delight in their play. Nature is on to something. Our physical world is full of lessons.
Three Parenting Tips from Mother Nature
1. Get them moving.
Just ahead of May’s mental health awareness month, the World Health Organization (WHO) recently released a statement aptly titled, “To Grow Up Healthy, Children Need to Sit Less and Play More.” The title says it all really. Children are meant to move just like the vast majority of nature’s fauna. With so many sedentary activities that are full of tempting lights and binging noises, both kids and adults are struggling with inactivity, particularly the screen time takeover. It’s not good for us. And, while I certainly don’t want to discourage organized sports or scheduled workouts, natural movement is also important– movement that occurs throughout the day, not just 3 times a week for an hour.
If you see your child struggling with coordination or avoiding certain kinds of movement-based play, consider talking to an expert. They could benefit from pediatric occupational therapy. If it’s a matter of your child simply preferring the couch to the swing in the backyard, try some new strategies and make movement a family affair.
2. Throw caution to the wind.
I think back to the animals I watched in the zoo. Those gorillas and polar bears were jumping in the water, rolling in the dirt, and making a mess of things while exploring their environment. Adults swooped in to help only when it was really needed. Certainly these little ones didn’t experience their caregivers as stepping in regularly with messages of caution. No. In fact, baby animals know when their parents are serious about being careful, because they only caution when it’s really needed. Children are supposed to be messy climbing machines. That’s why your two-year-old wants to get on top of the table and doesn’t hold back in the muddle puddles.
There’s literally stuff in dirt that helps our mental and physical health. I’m not making that up. And the kind of movement that children engage in in nature– climbing trees, digging in the creek bed, splashing through the rain– those kinds of things support coordination and a sense of confidence that comes with mastery. We’ve got to get out of the way. I’m not saying there should be no rules. Surely it can be ok to let them get dirty and to let them try new physical feats from time to time though. Intervene when it’s needed, just like mama gorilla, and catch yourself the next time you say “Be careful” to your child. Was it really necessary?
3. Be one with nature.
Well, of course, Mother Nature encourages this one. Nature in and of itself is both predictable and changing, mundane and awe-inspiring. Being a quiet observer can certainly teach a child a lot about mindfulness and about how the bigger world works. Watching those gorillas all those years ago, I learned about family hierarchies and what unfiltered joy looks like. Watching the polar bears, I saw authentic mother’s love. In the trail of ants in my backyard, my children see perseverance and structure. In the quail families hiding in the weeds, they see loyalty and protectiveness. It turns out that nature is good for our mental health. Forest bathing, that is surrounding ourselves with trees leads us to be happier and healthier. Even just looking at pictures of trees (with or without leaves) leads to improved outcomes. Get your children outside! Perhaps you’ll notice an immediate improvement in their mood.
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
When a child responds with immediate compliance to a parent’s request, it certainly seems to make the day go smoother. If the kids on the playground all run with the pack (and not against it), the social interactions for those children seem to be more at ease, less conflictual. When all of the students in the classroom follow their teacher’s instructions without dawdling or questioning the teacher’s reasoning, yup, that seems to make things feel a little easier, at least for the grownup, too. Currently, in most settings in most children’s lives, conformity seems to be valued and demanded even. Yet, there are some children who just don’t seem to conform.
Inconvenient Isn’t Always Problematic
The kids who don’t conform are the most likely to get labeled problematic. We often go into “fix-it” mode— wanting to change the child who seems to be in the world differently than same-age peers. At times though, we may be trying to fix something simply because of our own grownup desires for convenience. Sometimes, those children with different ways of being in and viewing the world grow into adults who will lead society to advance in unexpected ways.
It’s April, which is Autism awareness month. Autism is a very good example of something that was once viewed as a condition warranting a solution and/or cure and those with Autism are often viewed as non-conformists. However, the contemporary viewpoint seems to be one of acceptance. Consequently, it focuses on supporting the child in finding ease and success in their life and addresses the environment as the most appropriate place for intervention. This is different than just treating the child’s symptoms, though that may also be helpful.
Allowing for Uniqueness
In honor of Autism Awareness month and in support of the misunderstood non-conformist child, I share a quote. Samantha Berger, author of the children’s book, “Rock What Ya Got!”, is, presumably, in support of leaving room for people to be uniquely them:
“Everyone has their own special thing— find what is yours, and bring what you bring… Find your own voice and sing how you sing. Find your own OOMPH! Find your own ZING! Be your best you, and rock what ya got. Don’t let anyone say what you’re not. Live in this world and make your own spot. Take what you’ve got and rock it— ALOT!” -Samantha Berger, “Rock What Ya Got!”
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
When you ask any parent off the street what they want for their kids, my guess is that at least 9 out of 10 would say they want their kids to be happy. But the way that I dissect that wish in my mind does not equate to kids who are protected from everything, never suffer, and never go through hardships. In fact, a kid who can bounce back from challenges might be the happiest kind of kid. Wouldn’t you agree?
What’s a Bounce-Back Kid?
After 9/11, the American Psychological Association (APA) created an initiative to bring public awareness to the concept of resilience. APA (2003) defines resilience as “the human ability to adapt in the face of tragedy, trauma, adversity, hardship, and ongoing significant life stressors.” There is a common misperception that resilience is dichotomous— a have or have not— but it’s just not true. Some kids may have the bounce-back of a rubbery bounce-y ball while others’ bounce may be more like that of a tennis ball, but either way, these are kids that demonstrate a pretty high degree of resilience.
Raising a Kid with Bounce
It is true that some kids are just born with a bit more bounce than others. For example, intelligence, which does have some genetic loading, seems to act as a a buffer. Research has also identified several other predictors of resilience, too, that a parent can surely help support.
Sees the bright side:
A bounce-back kid of the highest degree typically copes using humor. That’s right. Belly laughs aren’t just fun, they’re practical. People who are able to see the bright side of things seem to be able to un-do some of the negativity they might feel after a stressful event. They also happen to be better at gaining support from others. How can a parent support this? Don’t take yourself too seriously. That is, be willing to laugh at yourself. Being able to see the bright side can also translate into gratitude which has gained lots of attention in the last decade as a mood booster.
Sense of competence:
One of my favorite concepts to teach others about is Carol Dweck’s growth mindset. As a society, we seem to have become uncomfortable with struggle. A growth mindset not only teaches the bright side to struggle, but embraces challenges as a learning opportunity. A bounce-back kid isn’t deterred when the going gets tough. The bounce-back kid is determined because she believes in herself. How can a parent support this? A caregiver who can step aside while a child figures something out, providing support when needed, but not interfering when their child demonstrates developmentally-appropriate struggling, sends an important message. This caregiver communicates to their child, “I believe in you and see you as capable” and this is a lesson that children take to heart.
Social strengths:
A bounce-back kid is a kid who knows that at least one parent cares about her. The warmth of a parent and a health attachment are tied to all kinds of goodness that will result in better emotional regulation and friendship-making skills in a child. How can a parent support this? We know that parents who have social support are more sensitive to their kids and cope better with irritable kids. Yet, parents can be so self-sacrificing. Seek support for yourself. This will absolutely have a positive impact on your parenting and it’s also good modeling to show your children that you’re willing to ask others for support. Secondly, set up times for your child to practice their social skills. If you have a child who struggles socially, set up really low pressure play dates that are sure to set up your child for success— ones that involve a structured activity perhaps and ones with another child who you know is patient and kind.
At Intuition Wellness Center we specialize in integrated services and wellness programs for children, young adults and families and supporting other like-minded professionals in doing good work. We offer parent education seminars, wellness classes and other supportive services. If you think you would like some extra support, call us. Call 520-333-3320 for a free phone consultation.
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In the spirit of reaching in, here’s a little message for our clients and their families. It really isn’t the same at Intuition Wellness Center without you. We miss the chatter and the energy in our Great Room, but our team is still here for you.
s to the injured lion is paid back when the lion later spares Androcles life. There are many other similar stories as well!
